Reaching for Respite
by Corey Kneedler
In the early hours I wake, through the house I tiptoe, not a sound I make
Past the bedroom where the child lies, sleep little darling, don’t make a noise, not even a sigh.
Into the kitchen I flip on the light, searching for respite in the middle of the night.
Into the cabinet my fingers crawl, where are you my honey, my sweet fentanynl?
With the sound of a bottle’s rattle, I begin my nonsensical prattle.
“Mommy needs a little pick me up, before I start to throw up.”
With shaky hands I open the bottle, grab a tablet as my heart hits full throttle.
Sweat pours from my forehead and saturates my skin. My body quakes while the demon stirs within.
Pour a glass of water - is it just me, or is the room getting hotter?
Down the hatch, relief will soon be here at last.
Fall to the kitchen floor, take a deep breath. How much longer before this causes my death?
Cold floor, restless night. I promise you that one day I’ll finally get it right.
“Mommy, what are you doing awake?”
“Honey, I....I just wanted to grab a bite of cake.”
“Can...I have some too?”
“...Sure, sweetheart. I’d love to share some cake with you.”
Her frown suddenly turns to a smile. She might as well enjoy her daughter’s company for a while.
Mother and daughter share a tasty treat so sweet, and hold each other tight in the middle of the night.
Mother realizes in this moment of late night bliss, life won’t always be like this. From now on, she’ll do everything she can to guard her. From now on, each day she’ll try a little bit harder.
And on that night hope returned to her broken heart. Life was reset and she found her new start.
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